Go ahead, read that quote again, I know I did. I don’t think I ever really gave the relationship I had with myself much thought at all prior to this year.

When all of my usual coping measures

and ways in which I would distract myself [staying ridiculously busy, always traveling, always going, going, going] came to a halt in March due to the COVID-19 shutdown, I was forced to stay at home, slow down and some days come face to face with the grief and feelings I had stuffed away and tried to distracted myself from.

After two months at home

not really doing much of anything, watching the days tick by, becoming ever more aware of my milestone 25th birthday looming in the not-so-distant future, I made the decision to focus on the relationship I have with myself.

It started with some Brene Brown podcasts and long walk-and-talks on the phone with my friends, to doing yoga everyday for 1 month and revisiting my gratitude journal. While all of these did help me feel a little better, partly because I saw them as progress, as steps I was taking to better myself, I continued to struggle

and I had gotten into the habit of describing myself as brown hair, brown eyes, 5’6” of average.

My perfectionism caught up to me and after years of feeling mediocre at everything, overtime I had lost my drive and my passion for almost everything.

“Why even bother starting, you know it won’t come out how you pictured”

In my mind, why do anything if it’s not going to be perfect. So for a long time I stopped, I stopped perusing my ideas and hobbies. Sure, I had a list of activities I would ramble off when asked but I would come up short for responses when asked for further details. Because honestly, I couldn’t have told you the last time I wrote for this blog, played with my camera or read a book

but with restrictions still in place, I couldn’t retreat back to my old forms of distraction, and this time I didn’t want to.

You only get one life, one chance on this earth to go all the places, see all the things, make a difference and take every opportunity that comes your way, so why go through it all in a haze of self doubt, negative self-talk and joy-killing perfectionism?

Not me, not anymore.

I still wouldn’t say I have the best relationship with myself, but all relationships take work, and now I’m just a more active participant.

This time around we look a little different and we feel a little different too [both the blog and me!] I’ll be sharing with you a little of my life and my journey as I continue to strengthen the relationship I have with myself. By doing so, I hope to become the most healthy and genuine version of myself that I can.

Thank you for joining me

And if like I, you too suffer from perfectionism or find yourself struggling, lets talk because trust me, you’re not alone. When I finally began to open up about how I was feeling, I was amazed at how many others could relate